For this Friday’s blog, I am discussing what to do when you are feeling like lacking in confidence after weight gain. Head over to my youtube channel to watch the full video with a very special guest, or stay right here to read about it below…
This is something that I get asked about a lot when people enquire about my services as a personal stylist, but something that I have also had considerable experience with when working with existing clients. Often, people find themselves in a position where they’re just not feeling good about themselves and are struggling with how to deal with that regarding their wardrobe.
If you're somebody who gives yourself a really hard time about your weight or appearance, it's definitely not the time for that. This is a time for a lot of self-care and to be gentle to yourself for whatever reason you've gained the weight. Self-doubt and lack of confidence can have such a severe knock-on effect on other areas of your life. It can make you stop wanting to go out and see your friends or it can hold you back at work, to name a few. When you have clothes that no longer fit you and your wardrobe, the process of approaching your closet every day to find items that don’t fit can cause you to feel even worse.
Firstly, I want to say that one of the things that really helps is just to get a reality check.
Look in the mirror, try the clothes on that you've got and really see what you've actually got in your wardrobe. Anything that fits you right now, can stay. Anything that doesn’t, put to one side.
If you're in a position where you've gained a lot of weight over quite a long period of time, you’ll have accumulated a lot of clothes that are of a size that you are not and haven’t been for a long time. These are the clothes I’d strongly urge you to get rid of, for your own sanity. Let them go. Give them to the charity shop. Sell them. Anything! Having them hanging there, in a size that you're probably never going to get back to, does not make you feel good about yourself at all. Facing your wardrobe every morning, trying to get dressed for work is tough enough, let alone when also giving ourself a hard time about the clothes you can no longer fit.
If you’re not ready to let go of them completely, at least box them up and have them out of the way. So after you've had a good old clear out, everything left in front of you in the is the stuff that you can wear on a day to day basis. Once you have achieved a wardrobe made up of only clothes you can actually wear, you can also see what you're going to need to go and buy.
The other thing that I have inquirers say to me regularly is that they want to use my services, but think they should wait until they’ve lost weight. If they’re someone who's, for example, had a baby and know the weight is coming down then, by all means, it's a good idea to just wait a little bit longer.
However, if you’re an emotional eater or you've put the weight on for other reasons, waiting never comes. This means you're still not feeling good about yourself, and wearing clothes that don't make you feel good about yourself; which inevitably leads to you probably eating more, doing less, and continuing the cycle.
I have had so many clients who were carrying a little more weight than they’d like but found that when we've gone shopping and bought new clothes - the weight actually comes off much easier, as they feel better about themselves.
Even if you don't like the look of yourself and are struggling to accept your size, wearing clothes that you actually feel good will increase your confidence tenfold. Self-care and love makes such a huge difference. Be kind to yourself in your current body - not the one you are wishing for!
If your shape has changed, the style that you once loved just might not suit you anymore. This is easily solved with a little bit of exploration into different styles - as there's really no better way than to physically try and test. Spend a day trying stuff on, with no intention to shop, so as to remove the pressure. Be experimental, have an open mind, and go with no expectation to buy so as to avoid any disappointment. If possible, take a friend to provide a second opinion also.
Another top tip: I always recommend people go online first and just have a look at the brands. Get creative and do an inspiration board! Rip out your favourite magazine pictures, or go onto Pinterest. I know it’s sometimes hard to feel size is well-represented in the media and on socials, but you can take inspiration from almost anything! A good (easy) starting point is to pinpoint a celebrity you like or someone you aspire to dress like.
If your new size is a long time reality, the above steps should help you on the journey to accepting your ‘new normal.’ If it’s more temporary weight, that’s likely to be lost, you should also still buy yourself some new things - as clothes can always be altered at a later date.
These are my tips for how to deal with a lack of confidence after gaining weight. I hope it’s useful to you, and if so - I’d love to hear from you. Hopefully, at the very least, I’ve provided a little bit of encouragement for someone…