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For this Friday’s blog, I am discussing what to do when you are feeling like lacking in confidence after weight gain. Head over to my youtube channel to watch the full video with a very special guest, or stay right here to read about it below…
This is something that I get asked about a lot when people enquire about my services as a personal stylist, but something that I have also had considerable experience with when working with existing clients. Often, people find themselves in a position where they’re just not feeling good about themselves and are struggling with how to deal with that regarding their wardrobe.
If you're somebody who gives yourself a really hard time about your weight or appearance, it's definitely not the time for that. This is a time for a lot of self-care and to be gentle to yourself for whatever reason you've gained the weight. Self-doubt and lack of confidence can have such a severe knock-on effect on other areas of your life. It can make you stop wanting to go out and see your friends or it can hold you back at work, to name a few. When you have clothes that no longer fit you and your wardrobe, the process of approaching your closet every day to find items that don’t fit can cause you to feel even worse.
Firstly, I want to say that one of the things that really helps is just to get a reality check.
Look in the mirror, try the clothes on that you've got and really see what you've actually got in your wardrobe. Anything that fits you right now, can stay. Anything that doesn’t, put to one side.
If you're in a position where you've gained a lot of weight over quite a long period of time, you’ll have accumulated a lot of clothes that are of a size that you are not and haven’t been for a long time. These are the clothes I’d strongly urge you to get rid of, for your own sanity. Let them go. Give them to the charity shop. Sell them. Anything! Having them hanging there, in a size that you're probably never going to get back to, does not make you feel good about yourself at all. Facing your wardrobe every morning, trying to get dressed for work is tough enough, let alone when also giving ourself a hard time about the clothes you can no longer fit.
If you’re not ready to let go of them completely, at least box them up and have them out of the way. So after you've had a good old clear out, everything left in front of you in the is the stuff that you can wear on a day to day basis. Once you have achieved a wardrobe made up of only clothes you can actually wear, you can also see what you're going to need to go and buy.
The other thing that I have inquirers say to me regularly is that they want to use my services, but think they should wait until they’ve lost weight. If they’re someone who's, for example, had a baby and know the weight is coming down then, by all means, it's a good idea to just wait a little bit longer.
However, if you’re an emotional eater or you've put the weight on for other reasons, waiting never comes. This means you're still not feeling good about yourself, and wearing clothes that don't make you feel good about yourself; which inevitably leads to you probably eating more, doing less, and continuing the cycle.
I have had so many clients who were carrying a little more weight than they’d like but found that when we've gone shopping and bought new clothes - the weight actually comes off much easier, as they feel better about themselves.
Even if you don't like the look of yourself and are struggling to accept your size, wearing clothes that you actually feel good will increase your confidence tenfold. Self-care and love makes such a huge difference. Be kind to yourself in your current body - not the one you are wishing for!
If your shape has changed, the style that you once loved just might not suit you anymore. This is easily solved with a little bit of exploration into different styles - as there's really no better way than to physically try and test. Spend a day trying stuff on, with no intention to shop, so as to remove the pressure. Be experimental, have an open mind, and go with no expectation to buy so as to avoid any disappointment. If possible, take a friend to provide a second opinion also.
Another top tip: I always recommend people go online first and just have a look at the brands. Get creative and do an inspiration board! Rip out your favourite magazine pictures, or go onto Pinterest. I know it’s sometimes hard to feel size is well-represented in the media and on socials, but you can take inspiration from almost anything! A good (easy) starting point is to pinpoint a celebrity you like or someone you aspire to dress like.
If your new size is a long time reality, the above steps should help you on the journey to accepting your ‘new normal.’ If it’s more temporary weight, that’s likely to be lost, you should also still buy yourself some new things - as clothes can always be altered at a later date.
These are my tips for how to deal with a lack of confidence after gaining weight. I hope it’s useful to you, and if so - I’d love to hear from you. Hopefully, at the very least, I’ve provided a little bit of encouragement for someone…
Happy New Year!
I don’t know about you, but I feel I’ve gone straight back in at the deep end… on-boarding a new assistant and catching up on two weeks of missed emails. No complaints here though, what a fantastic start to 2020.
Who’s completed the annual tradition of setting their New Years resolutions yet?
I don’t usually have any, but this year I do - and wanted to share it publicly, in the hope that it may help me stick with it beyond the first few weeks good intentions.
To see a video where I talk about this in further depth head across to my IGTV.
Despite what my IGTV Friday Finds and career as a stylist might lead you to believe, I actually don’t shop for myself that often. But over the Christmas break I went and did a bit of sale clothes shopping, and I realised there’s actually no more items I want or need, and that I have more than enough. The stores and all the clothes and people and excess felt a bit yuck. And that got me thinking.
And to cut a long story short - I’ve decided that, for the entirety of 2020, I will not be buying any new clothes. Or books. Or jewellery. Or makeup, skincare, the list goes on….
That’s right - a ‘no spend’ or ‘low spend’ year.
I know what you’re thinking, surely that conflicts with the nature of the industry I’m in? Well, this is another reason I wanted to share - as actually it’s completely in line with my brand message, and what I am forever relaying to my clients.
Having become consistently more aware of sustainability, I have made conscious decisions over the last 5 years to increase the quality of the outfits I buy. Occasionally I’ll shop at Zara, but predominately I invest in brands at a higher price point. This has changed my wardrobe as I get rid of less than I used to when I was a high street shopper, and therefore I need to buy less new items. Whatever I buy now will last me years, making it economically and financially more sensible in the long run.
So, by practising what I preach and shopping this way, over the last few years I have come to have everything I need. Anything I buy at this point is another version of something I already have - making it easy for me to decide I don’t actually need anything new. I have everything from super casual to beachwear to evenings out.
As I always tell my clients; we’re identifying your personal style, and then building a wardrobe to encapsulate that. I know my style, and I have built a wardrobe to compliment it. There’s no need to consistently be buying in large quantity, as quality is of so much more importance.
The caveat I have got for myself is if something is really worn out, I can replace it. Or, if I happen to gain weight - that’s a separate issue, particularly as I’m a big advocate of accepting and dressing for your size.
Although a little scary, I am embracing the challenge! To look at another positive: I am going save some money that can otherwise be allocated to doing up my house or adding to my pension.
So that’s my big ‘new year, new me’ news!
In light of this, along with my ongoing shoulder injury, I will be changing my Friday Finds slightly. Although I do emphasise that the pieces I find and show are long term items, I want to further encourage people to not be constantly buying new things. Therefore, I will still be doing a weekly IGTV video and blog, but the content will vary more, as you’ll see in the coming weeks.
Other than that, I have some really exciting projects lined up for 2020, including: working on an online programme, holding more workshops (first one coming up on February 14th) and working 1-1 with some fantastic old and new clients. So be sure to check in and not to miss out.
If you are somebody thats thinking of hiring a stylist this year, and are considering me or one of my team, do get in touch and don’t leave it until the last minute. We’re booking up fast already for 2020!
If you have any comments or questions on the above, feel free to get in touch - I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you're very time poor, perhaps a busy working woman - potentially a mum, it can be difficult to keep up your image. Showing up as your best self at work isn’t always easy, and letting it slide may start to impact your career and what other people think about you. When you leave the house in the morning if you're not feeling good or prepared in what you're wearing, it can negatively impact your day.
Firstly: schedule the time. Your issue with your wardrobe not working for you is not gonna fix itself on its own. So the first thing that you need to do is actually to make the time, despite your lack thereof. We give time to the things that we care about. Perhaps, like many of my clients, you’re someone that doesn't actually care that much about clothes, or you're just not really that bothered about how you look. It's low on your priorities, and not something you wish to spend time on. However, not investing time in your image is often where then it starts becoming a problem and encroaching on your headspace.
Next, you need to think about and make a plan for what you actually need. Identify the issues. I suggest an image audit, to gain some reality on the situation. Look in the mirror, put some outfits on that you wear to work and just see where the real problem is; what’s letting you down? Although you've probably got a good idea anyway, it’s always really good to actually get a reality check on what's actually going on and see whether the clothes themselves are fine. Whether it’s just that they're kind of worn out now and need replacing, or maybe they’re out of date and making you feel dowdy. Get clear in your own mind where the problem is lying for you. Once you've got that, you're much more likely to take some action on it.
Next, I suggest you think about what you want to get from making a change. What difference will it make to you? Think about the positives that will come from taking the time to work on your wardrobe. You might be somebody who hates exercising, but you managed to get yourself to the gym because the rewards are waiting for you down the line. They might not be instantaneous, but you know how much better you feel when you go to the gym, get to a certain weight, or increase your energy through exercise. That’s how you need to think about your clothes; identify the end goal, and what you will achieve from having a wardrobe of clothes that will make you feel good about yourself; in and out of the workplace.
Then, you invest the time. Plan when you will clear out your wardrobe, and when you will shop to replenish the pieces you need. Schedule each step in, and take adequate time to focus entirely on that step. It’s not about multi-tasking - and it’s not a day to share with your children. It’s time investment into your career; treat it as part of your business. Allocate the time as you would if you were preparing for an interview, or if you had a big speech to do - neither scenario you’d be juggling other things with. You’d dedicate your time to it.
The final point I realised whilst personal styling, is that so many women believe they should know about their style and clothes, without asking for help as they would in other areas of their life. For example, if the paint started chipping of your front door, you wouldn’t wait for the day you had time to do some DIY - you’d find a painter or decorator. If you're a senior executive woman, a woman who owns her own business, someone that's successful, you know that’s not your priority to take on by yourself. You may help choose the paint colours, but you won’t be climbing any ladders with the paint.
You need to start thinking about your wardrobe in the same way. Whether it be making an appointment with an in-store personal shopper, or hiring someone like myself, it doesn't have to be something that you do all on your own.
Don’t put it off any longer! If you have got a wardrobe that's letting you down and your time-poor, it won't fix itself on it on its own. Get your image up to scratch with how you want to be perceived and how you want to feel.
I hope that those tips have been useful, even if only to plant a seed of how to moving forward and make improvements in your wardrobe. I hope that you can gain some confidence through this, and allow your wardrobe to start working for you.
As promised, I’m back with my content alternative for Friday Finds as my shoulder heals, and it’s a good one for the last video of the year! Check out my Lizzie Loves on IGTV for the full video about my experiences with semi-permanent makeup, and in particular my eyebrows. Or stay here and have a look below if you’d prefer to read about the semi-permanent eyeliner I can’t get enough of…
If you are someone who is not into wearing make-up and/or have never have never spent much time practicing or applying it, getting make-up right can be difficult. Semi- permanent makeup stays put without smudging or the need to reapply – a major bonus if you work long days and want to remain looking good with very little effort.
The mere mention of semi-permanent eyeliner or eyebrows may conjure up an image of a fake, overly made-up look, but if it’s applied by a good practitioner with a ‘less is more’ ethos then it is amazing – and a huge time saver. It’s a fantastic alternative for those with sensitive eyes who find it uncomfortable to wear mascara and eyeliner, or who find it hard to apply eye make-up due to unsteady hands, poor eyesight or other health issues. It is also brilliant if you swim or exercise regularly before work or in your lunch hour.
I am not really much of a makeup wearer, unless I am at work, or going ‘out out’. I’m pretty lazy and even at my most made up, it’s only a bit of eyeliner, mascara, and concealer for the dark circles under my eyes. When i’m at home, or just hanging out with friends I wear none.
But I know the difference even a little makeup can make, so after researching semi-permanent make up for my book, and meeting El Truchan of Perfect Definition last summer, I decided to take the plunge and get eyeliner done on my top lid, as well as more recently: my eyebrows.
And I am SO pleased with the results. I look like i’ve got that bit of makeup on that makes me look more ‘polished’ and awake, but I’ve done nothing. Result!
Research
Do your research. Finding a professional permanent make-up artist whose work you admire and talent you trust is essential for booking this process – they are tattooing your face after all! In my opinion, this is definitely not the time for a heavily discounted opportunities, unrated or newly qualified technicians, as you will have to live with the results every time you look in the mirror - for a few years. Read reviews, check out their galleries and make sure you are 100% confident in their ability.
The Procedure
El was very thorough in her explanation of the procedure and of all that would be expected of me and how it would heal. For the eyeliner, she drew the line on my eyelids in pen to confirm the shape and thickness of the permanent line and make sure they were even.
Does it hurt? It does a bit, but more like a stinging. It’s like being at the dentist - a bit uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt as such. The numbing cream really does help and you do get used to the scratchy feeling after a while.
Aftercare
My eyes were a little puffy and I found it sore the following 24-48 hours. It started to get a bit itchy and therefore slightly irritating as I was under strict instructions not touch it at all when it started to scab over in the days following the procedure, but it’s totally bearable.
You cannot wear any make up on the eyes for around 1-2 weeks after. This wasn’t an issue for me as that is not that unusual, but for someone who usually wears it, I would advise having it done when you have a quieter time and no important events going on. You also can’t get the area wet, so remember not to book it in just before a holiday or when you will be swimming.
The Eyeliner Result
I am thrilled with the result, and these are the before and after pictures above. The line was very dark and a bit wobbly looking, due to puffiness, to start with. Then as it healed and a scab formed, the colour receded for a few weeks.
Now, a few months later, it has come back as a dark smooth line, and is just right. Basically, I just look like i’ve got a bit of make up on, as my eyes are more defined, and look better for it. My face looks more awake and I look ‘made up’ on the days when perhaps I wouldn’t. It’s a time saver on work days, (in both apply, reapplying and removing), as now I just apply mascara and concealer.
This is the result 6 months on..
I can totally recommend Perfect Definition for permanent makeup treatments. El is an expert at microblading and other permanent makeup, micro-needling and qualified to the highest level (Elite) by Nouveau Contour & KB Pro Academy, (part of the Nouveau Beauty Group – the UK and International leading experts in Permanent Cosmetics). There are appointments available in Canary Wharf, Bank and Harley Street and you can check out the extensive ‘before and after’ gallery on the website at www.perfectdefinition.co.uk
Lizzie Edwards is an author and the founder of Lizzie Edwards Style Consultancy which offers personal styling, personal branding and image consulting with a focus on women’s everyday effortless wardrobes, and creates transformations via one to one services, workshops, and group programmes. She undertakes her work as a personal stylist in London, UK, but travels countrywide.
